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Saturday, October 13th, 2001

Time Event
When I have personal time at the computer, I seem to spend most of it unproductively -- playing Diamond Mine, reading Usenet, making comments on the WotC boards -- anyway, given that I /do/ have some computer time now and then but that I waste it when I have it, it's a tad hypocritical to complain that I never have time to write.

So here I am.

This evening was supposed to be the star party. Katie was enough of a brat yesterday and today that she lost her choice to come along, after which I started feeling guilty about leaving Sherilyn with both younger kids... not to mention I've been cheating myself on sleep for a long time and caught myself yawning a few times today. Staying at a star party past midnight and then driving an hour started seeming like a bad idea.

So I decided not to go. Figured this way I'd get more work done (hah!). I feel bad for Bobby, who was looking forward to going and didn't do anything to lose the privilege, but he got enough other fun stuff this afternoon that I think he coped.

Ah well. I'm kind of disappointed, but then the autumn sky has the least scope-interesting stuff in it anyway.

Getting back to 'writing': I suppose I'll always be failing to follow Heinlein's First Law for writers: "You must write." I'm probably never going to be sufficiently motivated write, for example, a novel.

It doesn't help that most of my friends write better than I do. That this is probably primarily attributable to the fact that they write more than I do -- well, that's the Heller of it.

Unless I get sucked into LiveJournal enough that I start practicing the craft, and possibly learning how to do this thoughts-to-typing thing.
On Boasts
I felt pretty bad about something last night at the moms' group party. (See Sherilyn's entry about the party.) Some of Bobby's Calvin and Hobbes antics came up in conversation, and one of the other dads asked me incredulously "He's reading it to himself? Already? How old is he?" I started cheerfully into my normal brag about how he reads ahead in Harry Potter and... the dad got a wistful look on his face, glanced out the window to where his son (Bobby's age) was playing, and said "Maybe I'm not challenging Alec enough."

Knife in gut time. I listed some of Bobby's shortcomings quickly (he can't tie his shoes, for example), with some awkward preschool-teacher 'every kid's interests/development is different' pablum, but wow. I'm usually totally oblivious (at the time) to coming across as a braggart even though I know I do; I try, at least, to project a 'this day fortune smiles upon me; may she smile also upon you' attitude that seems to keep me from completely driving away friends, when I burst from feeling I must share something good that's happened to me... but sometimes that's not enough. Especially when it comes to comparing kids.

It's not in my nature to keep quiet about things that excite, fascinate, awe, or enrage me. Yet I really should know better; the way my insides twist when I hear about anything that any other kid does better than my kids should give me a clue about getting too free with stories about how well my kids are doing.

It's both good and bad to have an outlet (like, say, here); a place where I know I can boast. Good, because I simply /must/ tell someone, and I can; bad, because I forget where I am sometimes, and say in one place things that belong in another.

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